Wednesday, January 22, 2014

You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf

While I had a free moment in between my therapy sessions & radiation I thought I'd give an update in case tonight I am tired...
GREAT morning session at therapy!  I was able to dress with a walker, stand and brush my teeth and I walked a hallway with no breaks.  I was also able to stand for close to 6 minutes and complete 4 steps.  Each day proves that I am getting stronger and better!  It is funny to think how active I used to be in the gym a few years ago and now getting back into lifting how incredibly weak I am!  It feels good to start being active and healthy again.  I even drank a V-8 Fusion (Pomegranate Blueberry)...highly recommend!
While doing my exercises and taking my short breaks I was looking around the gym and said to Jon, I just can't believe this is our life right now.  Not that it is a bad life or I am feeling down, but it was just so emotional.  My mind then wondered to the girls with the long hair and knowing this will be my last week with long hair, it made me pretty sad.  I know it is only hair and it will grow back!  Jon said he is so excited that he will not have to pick hair out of the sink, tub, his clothes..basically everywhere!  Thankfully Jon made me use my emotions to bust through my exercises I usually struggle with and was able to complete them with little assistance. 
I am not sure why I am so emotional today, I'm not too scared for the radiation treatment...I'm anxious to begin the treatment to start the road of recovery.  I almost feel a little resentment to the treatment because of the high chance of what it will be taking away from me.  Jon and I were in no rush to have children...we wanted to enjoy each other and live the life we wanted for a while.  Even having a dog was a process... I wanted to bring my golden retriever with me, Sadie, but she was enjoying life in the country with my parents.  So I decided no dogs. in-laws had puppies and I thought it would be fun to play with them...and you know how that works...Welcome home Remi.  Being a "fur-mom" is completely satisfying for right now.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  But being married for 1 1/2 years and hearing I will more than likely not be able to have children is a lot to swallow.  Jon has maintained the best attitude, "I want you more and you to be healthy."   It's just hitting me today that while I am in the machine I know what it is taking away.  Of course there are so many alternatives in today's world and this should be the least of my worries but it is just hard.  We have nieces and nephews that will always feel like our own and will keep us plenty busy! 
Ok enough of being sad..I just needed to get it out!  After my treatment today I plan on radiating positive vibes!

"You may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control your attitude and how you deal with it."


  1. Beth, I want you to know that Tony and I have been thinking and praying for you. The Lord has a plan for your life and this certainly is a hard road right now but He does care for you and knows your struggles. Continue with the positive thoughts! Love, Saundra

  2. Hang in there Bethy!! I pray mightily that God will continue to bless you and Jon. Sending you positive vibes!

  3. I love the V8 fusion, great flavor. Try the acai berry! So good :) always praying for you Jon and your family!

  4. Don't kid yourself - you were always weak and out of shape!! Remember your attempt at skiing??!!

  5. Beth- There are LOTS of different ways to have the perfect family! You WILL have that! Nothing in this life is random; it will all serve a purpose in the end. Sending you LOTS of energy and strength:)