Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Year One Flashbacks

Thinking back to a year ago today I was under going my 2nd back surgery that would discover the cancer. Jon & I spent NYE/NY together in the hospital only to come home and head right back down 6 days later and not come home until February.  We had many hospital stays from then until now. My mother in law & I enjoyed many naps while I received treatments. Last night we had to take a trip to the ER for some issues and all I could think was great, another year starting off in the hospital.  Thankfully I'm home taking it easy and will be able to celebrate 2015 with my family.
I could sit here and lie and say "new year, new me" but I know it won't be a new me. Everyday is a new start and waiting until new years to change something you don't like about yourself is foolish. I feel like finding the good in everyday is going to shape you into the person you want to least that is what I learned. 2014 has taught me to be perseverant about my future. Only I can make it better. I push myself at PT, I'm trying to do more for my husband,  get out of the house more and realize who and what is important. Yes I have many days where I have set backs. Just the other day I was walking around the bed, using the wall for balance, tripped and caught myself with my forearm on the radiator. I got plenty of bruises but bruises heal and explicits help...haha.
As mad as I want to be at 2014 and all the trials we faced, I can't be. It has made me a more humble person. Sure the diagnosis was something we never planned on hearing, but my support team is greater than cancer. I met people that have changed my life for the better and feel like family to me. I'll probably bawl like a baby when my PT is over! My entire family has been my backbone when I needed matter what they were doing or had planned, they changed them for me. I consider myself lucky to be that loved.
So as 2015 is hours away, I say bring it on. If I can get through this year, I'll be able to get through the next.

Happy New Years to you and your family. Remember to find the good in everyday!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Home is where the heart is

It feels so good to sleep in my own bed! We have been very busy this past week.  Last week we traveled to Florida and went to Disney for a day.  We spent over 14 hours there between Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom. It was not like it was when I was a little kid and having all the characters walking you have to stand in lines to see them! I did get my pic with Mickey and Minnie.  From there we traveled to my cousins house to celebrate her wedding.  It was so great to spend time with my family and celebrate love!  Here's your shout out Mike!  Although the night time was freezing the days were nice. I wish I was still there catching some sun.

On Tuesday I had another rescan.  As you can figure, nothing has changed.  The tumor is the same growth no shrinking.  I asked if I was going to have this the rest of my life and the answer was it is a slow growing tumor.  I took that as a medical yes.

I still had a glimmer of hope because today (Thursday) I went and got a second opinion at Johns Hopkins.  I thought for sure things would be different.  I just wanted to hear, we have seen this before and this is what we did.  I met with a neurosurgeon who was more interested in my syrinx.  Because I have all of this pressure in my lower back and it has affected my nerves he said my option would be a risky surgery that would involve having a tube from my back and drain in the chest.  I was like no thanks.  He also told me not to expect to "hit a home run" with results and walking without assistance again.  I told him I expect a grand slam.  Guess that's why I don't play baseball.  So he was going to meet with some pediatric oncologists to discuss my images and get back in contact with me.  

                      S t o r y o f m y l i f e.

It's so easy to get sucked inside this depressing chapter of my life.  For some reason I just can't.  I have such a great support team.  Things could be so much worse.  "Life altering, not life defining."  I need to make the most of my time while I still have it.  I mean really we all should be.  This is the last thing I expected to happen to me, but when I look back over the past year, there has been so many positives.  I feel so humble.  I began to realize what really matters in life, family, friends, losing my attitude (well most of it), and not taking every day for granted.  I even survived hunting season this year without much complaints.  I guess I realized that Jon has given up so much for me why should I give him such a hard time about doing something he loves.  I know what it's like to not be able to do things you once loved and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially my husband.

In case I don't update before Christmas, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  New beginnings.  Thank you for the continued thoughts and prayers.  

  "When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything feel so small."